Silent Protest

Tonight is a night for sharing. The fog and clouds are drifting in. My ears fill with sounds of the gentle hum of the city, the neighbors taking the trash out, the wind whistling over the hill tops. The cold chills my fingers and nose, but I’m in a sweater in January. Can’t complain about that.

Inside is a laundry list of things to do. One kid goes off to school, another has a doctor appointment, there are dishes to be done, bills to be paid, papers to file, laundry to fold, wash, dry, sort, repeat repeat repeat. The responsibilities are weighing heavily as I descend from the blissful days of a well needed vacation.

Tomorrow the alarm will ring, and I will rise, taking on a steady week of work, work to prepare myself for the next several months until summer vacation. For now, that is how I must operate. One day, one week, one weekend at a time. I’ve become one of those “working for the weekend” kind of people. I didn’t remember how much I hated this kind of existence in the past. This seems to be harder being the only adult here to take on all these burdens and responsibilities. It’s hard work and makes me rather melancholy.

I’ve been sitting out here, feeling the night, for over an hour, hiding in the darkness. My daughter was looking for me about the house and is waiting patiently for me to come in and play. It’s time I go in and start that laundry, make that to-do list, observe the calendar that is buried under the stacks of holiday mail, magazines and papers.

I am protesting in my head but my body will go through the motions.

No one ever writes about how to get the daily necessities of life. They just try to sell you on a pipe dream that excludes reality. Think happy thoughts and you’ll be rich. Make affirmations, pay me a hundred dollars to coach you to a new you.

Despite the commercial feel to it all, I will persevere through and give those happy thoughts a try. I will think happy thoughts, scribble affirmations on post-it notes, and perhaps even draw some out in gorgeous color like I have in the past. I will do this, regardless of the screaming voice in my head that insists its merely a pipe dream, that I’ll never do it, that in destined to slave away a single mom, alone, waiting, forever.

Even it is a weak shove tonight, I still push that voice away and say:

I am independent free and smart.

My life is getting better every day.

I have the freedom to take the best in life and enjoy all its beauty.

I found that when I am in a particularly low moment, these affirmations are from GopherApps “Unique Daily Affirmations”. There are others as well, but I particularly like the way this app works. It gives you one per day, and you press this fun button and watch the affirmation appear on a soothing background. The affirmation goes away when you release the button, but you can return to the affirmation as many times as you need throughout the day. If you like one especially, you can save it to your favorites. I use the favorites as a boost if I am experiencing an intrusion into my Happy Bubble. I find that once I am done reviewing my support tools, I feel better.

Would you know, I feel better already?

What are the tools that you use to tell your inner negative voice to quiet down? Leave your comments below and spread some joy.

One thought on “Silent Protest

  1. I search the Bloggosphere for blog posts that draw me in; like this one.

    Personally, I figt the fear that thay inner voice is right. In some ways, it obviously is, but that doesn’t mean I can’t find joy,magic or contentment along the way. So, finding people talking about their own struggles, hopes,and attempts makes me feel less alone in my own struggle

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